An open letter to my person

You know who you are. Most people who are friends with me, know who you are. This whole moving thing, well it means a lot of things are going to happen. Good things, things I’m excited about. It also means that I’m moving away from you, my person.

It was one of those love stories that you don’t see coming. I thought for the longest time that you didn’t like me. And then, like most love stories, we found each other through a mutual love of gangster rap. It was fate, put into motion with the sweet, loving sounds of Eazy E. Gimmie that Nutt? Gimme that Sister Wife.

We did things together that I never thought I’d do in a million years. We went to bible study together. The most entertaining, enlightening bible study that ever was. We shared with each other the crazy, messed up things that were speckled throughout our upbringings and understood each other.

This is not to say that we are alike. You are the yin to my yang. We are vastly different in a lot of ways. We challenge each other. We try to accept each other. We do two people book clubs on boundaries and learn about why you have to have them. We cry to each other when we are sure that we are screwing up this whole motherhood thing. We celebrate each other’s parenting wins. And we listen to each other when one of us needs to talk through a difficult situation, unsure how to best parent but confident that surely that’s why therapy was invented.

Some of the most emotionally difficult years of parenting for me have been with you by my side. That’s not to say that this union of ours hasn’t been without a few bumps. We’ve fought. We’ve disagreed. How many times has our relationship been tested by our different tastes in television and movies? Countless. I still lose sleep over it occasionally. But we grow and learn and make it through.

Our relationship has changed over the last two years. First you went back to work full-time. We went from playdates with our kids a few times a week to seeing each other on the weekends. Then, you took a leap of faith and quit your job to start your photography business. I have so much admiration for you. There were times when you weren’t sure that it was going to work out. But I had faith in you, I knew that you were on the path to something wonderful. I’m so proud to be your friend.

Our kids have been in different schools, different activities and we both have different commitments. The landscape of things has changed. We aren’t together every weekend. Sometimes we don’t even talk for days. But I know that no matter what’s going on with you, what you are working on, if I need you, you’ll be there. I know that when life has made it so that we don’t get to see each other as often, it’s only because you are out there being your wonderful, welcoming self. Or more recently I’m drowning in boxes. What am I going to do, keep you all to myself? I’m not a monster.

Distance is not going to change much. Just frequency of face to face time. That’s it. You and I, are sister wives. You are the wife that will go with my husband and my big kid to do things that there’s no way I’m going to do. And I’m the wife that will take your youngest and your husband and go ride kiddie rides. That’s who we are.  That’s why this works.

We haven’t talked about me moving in great detail. I don’t know that we need to. We will find a way to see each other. We’ve taken two vacations together and still haven’t broken up. That’s something, right? You are my person.

Since I won’t be here all the time to nag you, I’m going to leave this here. Because you need a few reminders. Take care of yourself. You are the most amazing and wonderful person at giving everyone else what they need. You show up for your friends with such ferocity and love. Take care of yourself. Ask for what you need, and don’t be shy about taking it. Keep yourself surrounded by people who appreciate what you bring to the friendship. Because you bring more than most. You deserve the same in return. I only hope I’ve given you the same friendship that you’ve given me. Don’t let someone else’s shit, become your shit. It’s our mantra now, remember to repeated it when needed. Say no. This one deserves repeating. Say no. You can’t help everyone and do everything. I know you want to and sometimes feel like you have to, but you don’t. Say no. You are an unbelievable mother. You go out of your way to learn ways to provide your kids with what they need. You are the type of mother we all deserve. I hope you know that. I’m so very thankful and #blessed (I didn’t even throw up in my mouth when I typed that) that you are my person.

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