I thought you were all crazy.

Let me clarify since given the current state of the country that statement might have been confusing. You guys, friends, family, you guys who choose to live without dairy or wheat or sugar. I’ve thought for awhile that you must be nuts. Have you tried cheese? I don’t mean smells-like-dirty-feet cheese (I hate bleu cheese) but creamy-party-in-your-mouth cheese? Have you? Some of you have kids with food issues, or medical reasons for cutting it out. I get that. Totally on board. But cutting out all of that stuff just for shits and giggles? Sorry but I totally thought you guys had lost your minds.

I’m here to tell you that apparently I’ve finally lost what was left of mine too. Starting tomorrow (or Tuesday, let’s just see how this plays out) I’m starting the Whole30. I have several reasons for doing it. The first and most obvious being I’ve lost my mind. After that it would have to be my stomach issues (gallbladder removed about 14 years ago and intermittent gastric issues every since), my eating habits have gone from a healthy balance to complete and utter shit and I need to get myself together. I’ve been working out, I want to work on being stronger, healthier and yes taking weight off would be nice too if it meant I didn’t feel completely uncomfortable in anything outside of pj pants. Nothing is moving. I’ve noticed small changes in my body but I’m on week 9 and I’m just having the hardest time getting my self together with my eating. I need a kick in the ass.

I plan to blog about it because I have had a life-long love affair with cheese and sweets. This is going to be hard and I’ll probably screw up. Or want to screw up. This is my accountability. Plus, maybe my suffering can help someone else.

What do you need to know about the Whole30? Well, there’s a bunch of things you can’t have. The whole point is to completely detox your body and get back to a natural baseline. Then you reintroduce (using their schedule) and make note of which kinds of things are making you sick/tired, etc. It sounds great to me. I’ve been having nightly nausea (no I’m not preggers), stomach pain and bloating for a few weeks. I’m really over that.

I’ll be steering clear of anything with added sugar. Honey? Can’t have it. Agave? Nope. No sweeteners. At. All. No dairy. The hits just keep coming. No wheat/gluten/grain. No legumes. You can have a few exceptions to that rule. You can have coffee. It’s going to be rough.

It’s tough too. They give a whole spiel about “Don’t tell me this is hard. Cancer is hard.” Harsh, right? No shit cancer is hard. I’m not going to compare cancer to breaking up with cheese. But I’m going to whine about it a little bit. Maybe not. But probably. If you screw up one day, have a slip, you’re supposed to start over on day 1.

I told you they weren’t kidding.

I’ve got a buddy who is going to do it too. My goals are to prep on Sunday. Dinners should be fine, breakfast and lunches will kill me. I have let so many salad greens go bad because by the time I go to eat I don’t feel like putting together a salad. Today I spent some time chopping and assembling some mason jar salads for the week.

img_2814I’m also going to make some breakfast muffin frittatas to have each morning. I have a plan. I honestly think having options that are okay to have and being vigilant about my prep so my lazy butt doesn’t have to put much work into lunches for myself is going to be my saving grace.

To those I thought were nuts, I’m sorry. Maybe you got tired of feeling like crap every night. Who am I to judge? Maybe you don’t like cheese. I’m not sure we can be friends if that’s the case but I’ll try to overlook it. At any rate, wish me luck.

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