Oh where, oh where have I been?

Nowhere but also Savannah. I haven’t written in a while and I have no good excuse. It certainly isn’t helping me meet my goal of blogging regularly and writing on the daily. 2016 has royally jacked me up. This is just one of the results.

I have some things I plan to focus on in 2017, not necessarily resolutions, just things I want to re-focus on. I kept putting off doing another blog because what the heck would I write about? But the longer you avoid something the worse it is, so I’ll just tell you a little about my Savannah trip.

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You’ve been warned.

My sister-from-another-mister won $1000 when we were playing Bingo. That’s another story all together but our screams of delight were muffled by the disapproving looks of the rest of the bingo players and further stifled by several people stating ‘you better watch your back in the parking lot’. Bingo isn’t for sissies.

Anywhozits, she won $1000 and immediately declared it would be used for a girls weekend. Schedules being hateful we had to wait until December. Her bingo winnings brought us to Savannah, Georgia. She had rented a two bedroom basement apartment that allowed us to be within walking distance of all the things.

Our trip started with us driving with four of us in my car and the fifth driving herself and meeting us there. Aside from a roadside petting farm where someone tried to traumatize me by throwing food to the many fowl running around (who then began to run at me) and then getting sneezed in the face by a Llama herself (unfortunately I missed this as I was pouting in my car eating a candy bar after running scared), the drive down was a-okay. We met up with our friend for lunch and immediately Savannah captured our hearts via our quirky waitress. She had some poorly applied (and half smeared off lipstick), a milky eye, and a car salesman’s pitch for their drink of the day. She had much disdain for me as I said I’d just have a water and a side salad (I had just filled up on the candy bar) but then came back to tell us she had more than a dozen children.

We made our way to our home for the weekend and spread out to rest a bit. Then we hit the town to shop and see what was what. For dinner we ate at a tapas place that was delicious and the drinks were pretty nice too. On the way back, one of us tripped and fell. Don’t worry, aside from her knees looking like someone took a baseball bat to them she was okay. Our ghost tour with Nicodemus rounded out the first night.

The next day we started by hitting a Holiday Market on River Street that left us slightly disappointed. But, we met Santa! Most of us were able to get some Christmas shopping done and then we hit the apartment to get changed for the Pub Crawl we had scheduled. We were with a bachelorette party and they were very nice young ladies. Their pedaling left much to be desired. My seat was too close because I switched from the one that our amazing host had fixed for me after the first bar, so my knees soon looked similar to our falling friend. The tour was fun and even when we got stuck in parade traffic we entertained ourselves. If you are ever in Savannah check out Savannah Slow Ride. After the slow ride we had more drinks and then went to an English pub for dinner where I nearly choked on the cheese in my French Onion Soup more than once.

Finally, the third day of the trip two of the ladies had to go home and the remaining three of us started our morning with brunch at Lady and Sons. We then did some window shopping and later decided we wanted to see Bonaventure Cemetery. Little did we know the cemetery was closed earlier than it said online. On the drive there we had passed the Catholic Cemetery and it looked old enough, so we pulled in. Soon after we turned onto one of the little roads going throughout the cemetery we saw some rustling in a bush. I immediately stopped the car so we could get to the bottom of whatever was going on. We all three sat staring as a grown man jingled his pants over and over. I honestly expected a child to come out of the bush and to need to call 911.

After several minutes, he bent down to pick something up and we locked eyes. I started driving and turned left onto the road but going the opposite direction of him and in the rearview mirror saw him get on his bike and ride away. After driving through we were back to the original road and I had to know what he had been doing. We parked the car and walked over to get closer to the bush he had been nearly in. I was about to take another step when my friend yells, “Watch out! There’s shit.”

I looked down and there was a big pile of yellow poop. It took a second for it to sink in that it was his poop. As I looked around I then noticed he had brought toilet paper and thrown it in the bush. Of course I took a picture because otherwise it didn’t happen.  I’ll spare you the picture but it’s on my Instagam page if you’re really interested.

The trip was pretty much made when that happened. I can tell you that encountering something really weird or messed up just makes my day, even if that involves a large amount of yellow human feces. More than anything I just have so many questions. Does he shit there often? Does he have other outdoor pooping places? Has he been to a doctor recently about the color of his poop?

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This creepy painting was in the little outdoor alcove outside one of the bedrooms.

That was pretty much our trip. If I left out something amazing it’s probably because of alcohol.

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